That time of year
It’s almost Christmas. It’s that time of year, when the holiday ads bombard us to shop until we drop, when holiday tunes stick in our minds as chronic reminders of the good old days, when visions of elves and sugarplums dance in our heads from Christmases past or we are dazzled by yet another billboard promoting yet another new film on the same old Santa-Claus-and-naughty-little-reindeer schemes, and when a bloated charge card balance sends us spiraling downward into further stress. Sound familiar? Whatever happened to the purity of the season of the coming of the light? Whether or not you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or atheist, it’s a time when we all feel the somber strands of the shortest day of the year, this Winter Solstice 12/21/10, which at this late writing is the end of this very day. The Winter Solstice is not a down time, it’s a time to go within, to be solemn and quiet inside, and to notice the emergence of a new dawning within our lives. The day after the shortest day of the year is the beginning of the coming of the light. I happen to love the Winter Solstice, as it is a time for reflection, for inward push, and for self indulgence toward self knowledge. It is a time for inner peace.
If you like the pagan rituals of the Solstice or if instead you routinely practice the standard fare for celebrating your favorite December holiday, (like setting up the Xmas tree with bright lights, sending cards and gifts to family and friends, or dressing up like Santa to hand out treats at the local shelter); or if you just plain feel better when you do something over and over in the same way each time, like flossing your teeth, making the sign of the cross when you enter a church, or brushing your darling one’s hair before bed–then you enjoy rituals. This is the season of ritual-making opportunities for your sexuality, as well.
Here is a sexuality ritual to do each year:
1) Give thanks: Think about what you are grateful for this past year about your own sexuality. Write a list of at least five things for which you feel gratitude and appreciation. Keep an active appreciation board on your kitchen wall or fridge to keep the flow of appreciations back and forth in your relationships going strong.
2) Acknowledge yourself: Did you take a risk with someone new this year and have first-time sex? Did you ask your beloved to share in a sacred moment of orgasm while listening to the holy tunes of chanting monks?
3) Challenge yourself: Would you repeat the disclosure of your deepest fantasies with your honey? Are you willing to try a new position, even if it makes your belly stick out or your boobs droop? Is this the year to lose those 50 extra pounds that make it tough on your self image when the lights are on in bed?
4) Treat yourself: Is this the moment to love yourself, to buy a new set of silk pajamas, or to be bold enough to make that home sex videotape after all for posterity?
5) Do it now: If you are alone or with a partner of 20 years of 2 dates, it doesn’t matter. Your journey as a sexual being begins again when you wake up tomorrow morning and decide to go for it: To grow, to explore, to expand, to shine the light on those dark places of your sexual soul and to dare to be more than before. I share the journey with you and know that you can do it!
6) Dream into tomorrow: Make a list of how and where you want to grow your sexual experience. Be bold, be brave, be specific and have fun. If you are partnered, share your dreams with your partner. Recreate the original spark and excitement. If you are single, forgive yourself and then move toward new horizons.
Until then, blessings on this season of the coming of the light and let your own light shine.
Love and Light, Dr. Patti